Pushy parents can act as agents

BBC Aug 19, 2008

By Sean Coughlan BBC News education reporter

The "helicopter parent" expects to stay in control of their student children

So many parents have been chasing university places for their children that the admissions system is now letting parents act as their agents.

Students entering university this autumn will be the first whose admissions decisions and negotiations can be handled by their parents.

In the past, the admissions service had to deal directly with applicants.

Parents have also been expecting to sit in on their children's university interviews, says academic Frank Furedi.

Universities are facing the growing phenomenon of "helicopter parents" - the over-involved parents who want to continue interfering in the lives of their children at university.

'Infantilism'

The university admissions service, Ucas, says that in response to the number of calls from parents that it has decided to allow parents to act as their children's representatives in handling applications.

As such, young people making applications this year have been allowed to nominate a proxy to speak for them and make decisions.

"This is usually because the parent feels they haven't got all the information they need from their son or daughter and so phone back to double check and clarify points," says a Ucas spokesman.

About one in 10 students this year are estimated to have used this option of nominating their parents to make calls on their behalf.

Frank Furedi, social commentator and professor of sociology at the University of Kent, says that controlling parents are "destroying the distinction between school and higher education".

"All universities now have to take the parent factor into account. On university open days you can see more parents attending than children," says Professor Furedi.

He says there have been cases of parents who arrive expecting to attend their children's university interviews.

Professor Furedi says that he tells parents that they have to leave, but there are other academics who "accept that this will be a family discussion".

"There is a powerful sense of infantilism, where parents can't let go."

Consumerism

This extends to universities having to handle complaints from parents over grades awarded to students, he says, and a constant over-involvement during term time.

"We have to remind parents that there is a professional relationship between academics and students," he says.

Professor Furedi expects this parental pressure to grow - with the risk of turning universities into "schools for biologically mature children".

He warns that it will follow the trend in the United States for universities to pitch their marketing at parents rather than students.

The high-pressure parent is a reflection of consumerist values hitting higher education, says Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology at Lancaster University Management School.

"These parents are paying more, so they think they can demand more," says Professor Cooper. Parents want to retain control of their "psychological and financial investment in their children".

Parents are also using their children as surrogates for their own ambitions, he says, getting them to chase the success that they might feel eluded them in their own careers.

"Parents derive status from their children's success," says Professor Cooper.

Add your comments on this story, using the form below.

Ridiculous. I agree entirely with Professor Cooper's comments. The steady subsumption of education to the onslaught of capital accumulation is turning education into a torrid marketplace. Parents need to think again, to be responsible and encourage their children to assert their own responsibility in turn. Bring back education for education's sake.
Joe G, Oxford

Things aren't always what they appear. In the case of my step-daughter, the only way we could find out what course she was on, what her accommodation arrangements were etc was by dealing directly with the University. And why? Because she refused to discuss any of the details with her mother at all - she simply expected a blank cheque to be signed to cover her costs - accommodation, living expenses, etc whilst totally cutting her Mother and I out of everything else - including her results. I agree that there are over-controlling parents out there and that this should be discouraged - but parents (even, dare I say it, step-parents) should have some rights.
(please withhold my name if published), Warrington

As someone working in a central administration department of a university, having just dealt with aggressive, pushy and downright rude parents - this is the last thing administrators need! Parents need to learn to let go of their children wehen they go to university, it's not just education they receive but life education. I was lucky enough to have my parents leave me to it, even though they remortgaged their house to put me through higher education. Parents don't always know the full picture regarding Ucas regulations and other correspondence institutions have had with their offspring, something I see week in week out when I have an angry and agressive parent on the phone until the penny drops their child has not been completely straight with them (classic example telling them one grade at A Level results time when they got one much lower). The parents aren't going to do the course, write the essays, sit the exams or get the letters after their names so leave the kids to get the place in the first place, before they try to get the degree.
Dan, London

I can't think of anything worse than my parents sitting in on an interview. I understand parents wanting the best for their kids but if they are to survive uni they should be able to do the interview themselves.
Susan, Manchester

Some years ago we had a student whose father not only attended all stages of the selection process, but also attempted to attend lectures in October so that his son "wouldn't be bullied".
Chris, London

This will be yet another thing that helps privileged children to gain an advantage over those with less capable parents. Universities should be favouring the more capable applicants, this seems to be going the other way. My parents never had a clue, and it was hard enough to get into college and then university as it was on my own, with my parents knowing very little about it (and my so called school careers advisor telling me to get real and join a YTS scheme). Especially memorable was time I spent shoveling 5p's into a red telephone box trying to secure a university place (my parents didn't have a phone and I'd hardly ever used one)! Keep parents out, minimise course work (which is mostly done by parents), and increase the emphasis on exams. This is the way to once again reduce the gap between rich and poor. Let's face it, in a university interview the person with educated parents is pretty much always going to hold a better conversation than one who has barely literate parents, that we can't change.
Andy, Oxford

Sometimes Universities have only themselves to blame. My daughter was threatened with being thrown off her course, or perhaps it was just to scare her into working harder. She didn't know and there didn't seem to be anything to decide her fate other than the mood of the academic making the decision on the day. I don't know if the University understood the stress this caused or just didn't care but I'm pleased she turned to her parents to help clarify the position. I didn't want any unfair treatment for her just to find out where she stood, make sure she was being treated fairly and knew all the options available - things her University should have given her anyway. As for going to interviews I assumed I wouldn't be welcome but with so many courses and institutions some interviews will be the University selling itself to the candidate rather than the other way round.
Wernside, Leeds

As a parent of a son who is going through the process I know that there's a fine line we parents need to tread. Yes there are things that we want or need to know. However if we do everything for our teenagers how on earth are they going to learn to stand on their own two feet? I try not to be an overbearing parent, I'm sure my son would agree with me that I don't always win on that one, but there has to be some sort of communication especially if parents are footing the bill! You have to accept that your 18 year old won't want you following them around and fighting thier battles for them. However you can be interested as to how things went, support their decisions and be there to help them IF and when they need it. If you must go with them to an interview take the opportunity to be a tourist or take in some retail therapy.
Heather Cadoux, Middlesex

I am lucky that my parents from GCSEs onwards were willing to let me, and my sister and brother get on with it. Not that they didn't help they drove us to any universities we wanted to visit, no matter how far away they were, but let us form our own ideas. I still am at university and the 'helicopter-parents' we do encounter are generally self made and not a result of inept students. Sadly what they don't seem to realise as in the case of my flat mate (whose mother came up once a week to sort his socks out and do his shopping) is that if they don't let go they will be forced to, and their adult relationships with their children will suffer (my flatmate has not spoken to his mother in 5 months). Whereas allowed support from parents but not control will mean the children will hopefully like their parents enough to care for them when the situation requires
Alice E, London

I think that young people should gain independence but as a parent of an eighteen year old I can appreciate wanting to be as involved as possible in the important decisions they make. As parents are expected to be financially responsible for their student children, it is reasonable to expect some feedback and involvement. Only when young people become financially independent through a non-means tested grant system for higher education will universities be able to expect this from their students.
helena, halesowen

Isn't this just a natural progression of the infantilism created by tuition fees? The way students have to finance their univerisity education since the introduction of tuition fees forces them to become financially reliable on their parents, especially if they are inelligable for a grant. The maximum loan for many is just over Ј3000, when the cost of accomadation alone is nearer Ј4000. The whole financial application process for students is based around the circumstances of their parents, so surely it is no surprise that decisions are being made by them
Joe S, London

I can understand parents coming with their children to open days and helping them makes choices - after all, not only is university a big choice, but many are still at school at the time and for many a lift with their parents may be the easiest way of getting to the university.

The idea that parents can be present at interviews and so forth seems to go a bit far, however. As for those that say they can't get information from their children - the answer is not to hand over a blank cheque. Make it plain that your financial support is conditional upon your involvement.
Ben Saunders, Oxford

Having just completed a degree (as a mature student), I saw a marked difference among students who had parents trailing after them and those who did not. The ones with helicopter parents were the most 'lost' about what to do with their lives upon finishing university. It was also a way to make absolutely certain that lecturers and admin staff had no respect for the student - why listen to what they have to say when they don't even have control over their own lives?
Jennifer, East Yorkshire

My parents have had very little input in my education since I finished my GCSEs. Neither were available to tour university open days with me and the first time they visited me in the city where I attended university was at my graduation ceremony last month. I can't imagine what kind of people are going to be produced by these 'helicopter parents' and I am terrified that they are roughly my generation and I may have to deal with them in a work environment when I am older: this over attention cannot end well! It gives the children no chance whatsoever to grow into young adults. Parents need to learn to keep their noses out and let their children make their own mistakes!
Catherine Bavali, Brighton

You go to university as an 18 year old adult. Your parents have no place acting as an 'agent'. If I were an admissions tutor, I would seriously mark down any 18 year who appeared incapable of handling their admission themselves.
Rick, Brighton

This is a generation that is soon going to be charged with the responsibility of all kinds of vital decisions. We are stuffed.
Ryan, Glasgow

Where will the madness end? Will these parents expect to attend their offsprings' job interviews, negotiate salaries, hold their hand to work? Sooner or later parents have to let go and let their children make their own way in life. When I went to university it was a bit bewildering at first, but that's part of the transition from boy to man.
Johnny B, UK